Pubertaet klein


If you believe the vernacular, puberty means pure horror. The child turns away from its parents, it just doesn't listen anymore. The outer appearance has changed too, the once sweet daughter now appears in an almost ladylike appearance, if it weren't for the dyed hair and the somewhat too short skirt. She is suddenly less interested in her dolls, but much more in boys. Who thinks to have it taken badly with this, can count themself lucky not to have a son. The last talk over dinner was a long time ago, now he always sits at the table with his head lowered and stares at his mobile phone. The well-meant advice of his parents is dismissed as uncool, they don't understand him anyway. Whether boy or girl, the parents could well do without puberty, or maybe not?


For many parents, the topic of puberty is accompanied by mixed feelings. They have already been warned several times about how exhausting a pubescent teenager will be. This general impression is mainly due to the fact that difficult adolescents attract more attention. These cases will be discussed for years to come, one is grateful that puberty is finally over. However, how puberty finally takes course varies from adolescent to adolescent. Not every teenager goes through a strenuous puberty.


Puberty means change. How to deal with a pubescent teenager? What influence will puberty have on family life? Which topics have to be discussed with the adolescents? These are just some of the questions worried parents ask themselves. There is no model solution for this, because every adolescent is different. It is important to support them, and still leave them enough freedom. It is also important to praise them sometimes, because the young people themselves are the ones who have to struggle most with the changes. Their bodies change, girls become women, boys become men. It is necessary to find the right way of dealing with them, a tightrope walk between self-discovery and identity crisis. Young people experience pressure from their peers, they question the values and norms of their parents and try to find their own personality, their own way and their view on the own world. A mental change also takes place, the mind becomes more perceptive, new interests arise. They begin to see the world in a different light. With their newly acquired abilities they start to search for their new self, but also for their own limits.


It is difficult to fully prepare for puberty, because it holds some surprises. However, it is possible to get information in advance. Because even though many people are aware that puberty will inevitably come, the thought is often suppressed. You hold on to the thought of a child who looks up to you in admiration, who gratefully accepts your advice, who is still dependent on its parents. There is nothing wrong with that. But in some cases puberty occurs in the middle of childhood. According to Nitsch, Beil & von Schelling (1995), puberty can occur in girls between the ages of 10 and 11. Other sources, such as Wikipedia, indicate the onset of puberty at the age of 8 to 9 years. For boys, puberty usually starts a little later. These figures are guidelines, for some children, puberty starts earlier, later for others. With this knowledge, the parent has already done an important part of the preparation.


In the end a lot happens during puberty. Your child matures into a young adult, it develops new interests, it will experience its first love relationships. There are changes for you as a parent, too: Your child develops its own identity, it makes its own experiences, it becomes more independent. There will be situations that will put you to the test. You may want to support your child, but you may also want to give him or her the necessary freedom. You experience inner conflicts. You want to protect your child, but it still has to make its own experiences. There is no model solution, because every family is different.


The puberty of their own children and many other issues worry parents; they feel challenged, sometimes even overwhelmed. They want help and support - and that is fine!


Do not hesitate to write to us through our Online Help. The Online Help offers advice, information and orientation. The offer is anonymous and confidential. You are always welcome here if you are worried about the changes that come with puberty or if you have questions about this and other topics. Specially trained counsellors can support and advise you and, if necessary, refer you to the relevant counselling centres.


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Parents Telephone is a listening service, which gives advices and information by phone, easy to access, competent and anonymous.
Unfortunately, this service is only available in German and French.
For further information in German please click here, in French please click here.